I used to think that being fearless meant that you weren't scared and carried out tremendous acts of bravery, while risking life and limb. I guess I must have got this idea from fairy tales where the Prince used to battle dragons in order to save the Princess from the tower. He wasn't scared and just did what needed to be done. But in reality, that is not what being fearless is all about.
In fact, according to the Oxford Dictionary fearless simply means showing a lack of fear. It doesn't say anything about not feeling fear. Maybe the Prince that I used to read about was actually shit scared, which makes his actions all the more heroic? When we look at the term fearless this way, it all comes down to taking action in the face of fear. If we are taking action then it is okay to be completely terrified while we do it.
As someone with anxiety, I feel and think about fear a lot. I know that fear serves a purpose (warns us of danger to keep us alive) so don't want to eliminate it completely. It is the over excitable fear that over reacts and jumps at my own shadow that I need to push past. This type of fear is like a toddler. It is extremely stubborn when it gets its mind set on something and is near impossible to reason with. You can try using logic, bribery or even threats to get it to come around, but it will often just dig its heels in more and start screaming to get its way. And just like a toddler, when fear starts to scream, you know about it.
So how do we manage to take action in the face of our tantrum throwing fears?
One way is to break the action into smaller steps. Rather than staring down the barrel of one big, scary challenge, I try to find a way to turn it into several less daunting challenges. Social anxiety can cause great fear and stress just leaving the house, so meeting up with a friend for coffee can be a big, scary challenge. My anxiety is spurred on by my inner critic telling me that my friend is probably too busy for me and that I am inconveniencing them (as much as I know this isn't logical, it triggers my fear). My first small step might be just initiating contact via text. Usually this gets met with a friendly response, so the second step would be to suggest a catch up. All things going well, the third step is confirming a time and location.
To make going for coffee easier, I could suggest a place where I know I can get parking, that isn't too busy and has a comfortable vibe. Often though, my inner critic is telling me not to make it too hard for my friend (why would they go out of their way just to see me?), so I let them choose a place that suits them. Once I know where they have chosen, I can research it online and map directions how to get there so I am organised on the day.
When the day comes around for the coffee catch up, I again break this down into smaller, less daunting steps. My first step is to plan what time I need to leave (making sure I have extra time just in case something happens) and double check my maps and details. The next step is to get ready in clothes that make me feel comfortable. Driving there and finding a parking spot comes next. The last step is to find the building and a good spot to wait for the person I am meeting. Usually once I see my friend, the anxiety settles down a bit as I can follow their social cues to make sure things flow.
Breaking it down into small steps, can be mentally exhausting but it also gives me a chance of being about to follow through. If I left it as the one big, scary challenge, it can be too overwhelming to try it at all.
Another way of managing action with fear is with brute force. Thinking of fear like a toddler, imagine having to ignore the screaming, kicking and crying while you pick it up and carry it along with you.
I am really enjoying learning at the moment but can get very anxious about signing up for online training as so many courses have a community Facebook page. This means interaction, sharing, vulnerability and anxiety. When it comes to enrolling, there really isn't an easy way to break it down into less scary steps, so I have to push forward with brute force. My fears are screaming and kicking but I tune them out long enough to enter my personal or credit card details and get myself committed. Once I have committed (either financially or just by enrolling), I have to keep pushing forward.
Today was the launch of the most recent course I have signed up to this way. The brute force worked for enrolment, but to complete the course, I can use my other strategy of breaking it down into smaller, less daunting steps. The course has modules and activities, so I will just tackle those one at a time.
We can't remove fear completely from our lives, but when our fear has become so great that we are immobilised by it, we need strategies to allow us to live. These strategies won't always allow me to take action and sometimes fear wins. But that is ok. I can always try again tomorrow, and each tomorrow after that until I win.